Toxic Anger: Part 2
If anger is like a fire that causes great damage in the body, in one’s spiritual life and in relationship with others when mishandled then…what does handling anger well look like?
In the first part of this article, “Toxic Anger: Part 1,” I outlined the original design God had for anger, common roots for anger and what happens when anger is mishandled. In this second part of the article, I will review what it looks like to handle anger in a biblical and healthy way that has been particularly useful and life-changing for me.
Toxic Anger: Part 1
Anger. The emotion and sensation of feeling offended, wronged or denied. Desiring retaliation.
We all experience it on some level.
Sometimes people are ruled by it (think: road rage) or work really hard to keep it inside (“I’m not angry! just frustrated…”)…
But like fire, anger has to be handled correctly or it can cause great damage. In fact, I would argue that many physical and stress issues people have today can be linked back to the mismanagement of anger. Unreleased anger and stress can ravage the body.
I would also vouch as I did in the article “Learning How to Feel Again,” that the mishandling of the anger and emotions we experience can be at the root of many addictions.
In this 2 part article, I will outline the original design God had for anger, common roots for anger, what happens when anger is mishandled and one approach on handling anger that has been particularly useful and life-changing for me.
Man vs. Male
Man, male…same thing, right?
Not according to Pastor Billy Huffman from The City Church. During a recent retreat, he expounds on the stark difference. (and can’t wait to hear his list for woman vs. female!)
Just because someone is born with the male gender, doesn’t necessarily make him a ‘man.’
Here’s a combination of my notes from his sharing with my thoughts inserted in there. In no way is this a comprehensive list and unfortunately, it’s impossible to capture all his crazy, hilarious stories here but…this was too good not to share.
Freedom is a Choice
A lot of people think they have to struggle…forever.
A lot of people secretly struggle with a lot of things…eating disorders…porn…sexual addictions…closet drinking…insecurity…lust…the list goes on.
Some addictions seem ‘worse’ than others but the reality is that…it’s all bondage.
And with it, I see two camps of people.
Those who feel like victims, defeated. Accepting the fate that they will be like this forever…
Or those who know there’s a way out. A supernatural way out.
The reality is that there’s a God who specializes in change. In changing you. In changing me.
He loves us way too much to allow us to stay the same, but…it’s a choice.
In this article, I will walk you through an important principle God showed me the past few years that has made all the difference in the world in my own healing and those I have walked with through their healing journeys.
Never Stood Up
7 1/2 years ago I was stood up…
IHOP… I’d admit, it’s not my favorite place in the world to eat but…it was a date with my dad,
what more could a girl ask for?
(“Beggars” can’t be choosers!)
I was alone in my mom’s apartment, everyone had left because they thought I had plans with Dad. I was on winter break during my junior year of college. Back in LA from Boston.
It was already 11am and he said he would be there to pick me up half an hour ago.
I kept calling and calling, all I could get was his voicemail.
Another half hour, then an hour pass…the voicemails I left started cordial…then they slowly became pretty darn rude.
I was angry. More…
The Beginning is Not the End
As much as we may not want to admit it to ourselves, a lot of us define our futures by our past. Our ends with our beginnings…
…that ‘glass ceiling’ on what we can do and cannot do, what we can and cannot be, what we can and cannot have…
It’s extremely easy to let regret, guilt, mistakes (the feeling that you are “damaged goods“), your childhood, what your parents did or did not do for you, patterns of dysfunction…run the show.
And you can feel stuck. More…
White as Snow: Sexual Healing
To write about the deeper issues of the heart and not touch upon the area of sexual healing would be to ignore one of the deepest issues of inner healing known to the human soul…
Indeed, we were created to be sexual beings, yet when the original purpose and design of this amazing gift is misused, mishandled…counterfeited, defiled, robbed of its innocence…and abused, it can leave people broken…
The shame. The guilt. The insecurity. The condemnation. The evergrowing distance from God….we were not meant to live like this.
I will save the topic of sexual abuse and sexual addiction for another time but for this article, I would like to address (in no way is this comprehensive!) the potency that God put in the gift of sex (and the resulting devastation that occurs when misused out of the context of God’s original design), the critical need for sexual healing, the difference between condemnation versus conviction and what it may look like to begin to walk in God’s truth…that we are truly ”white as snow” and become truly free…free in our souls.
I would like to also preface this article by saying that the premise of the article is the biblical guidelines about what is ‘right’ versus ‘wrong’ in the Word of God. This is not meant to be applied (or condemning) to those who do not prescribe to the same faith…rather it is meant to be an encouragement to those who want to follow Christ.
You Are Just Like Your Father
“You are just like your father…”
Oh, how so many of us have heard these words…especially the men among us.
Usually these words are spoken in utter disdain, like a sharp, bitter arrow targeting the heart.
With it comes hurtful parallels and comparisons to the weakness and failure of our dads. When we grow up naturally expecting perfection from our fathers and those words, his actions, are painful reminders that he is not…perfect and our paradigms are shattered.
No father, no parent is perfect but like father, like son…we sometimes witness patterns of dysfunction, recurring cycles of addiction and bondage repeat…in others in our family and to our dismay, in...ourselves.
When Women Tear Down
“Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” - Proverbs 14:1
As women, we have the opportunity to build…or to tear down…many things in our lives.
Whether it’s our families, women around us or…even our own self-image and faith in God–we have the choice.
Without this decision point, sometimes it’s easy to unconsciously tear down…
In this article, I will review some of the different arenas of a woman’s life where we have prime opportunities to decisively either build–to increase, grow and strengthen…or tear down–pull apart, destroy and weaken.
Healing Father Wounds: Part 4
With nearly 24 Million children in the US living without their biological fathers…with this fatherless generation, Father’s Day can be quite bittersweet for a lot of us.
…But there is a way where there seems to be no way.
We CAN have a father. A perfect father. The father we never had.
…Yes, our Heavenly Father can be everything we need and want and…more.
Is it too good to be true? What would it be like to have this type of relationship? Can this Heavenly Father be ‘Daddy God’– as present, as satisfying, as powerful as a physical man..an earthly father?
I would say the answer is…yes.
Yes. As much as it hurt to have a father…that was never there, or a father…who abused verbally, physically or sexually, or a father…who didn’t quite give the affirmation you need growing up, or a father…who wasn’t perfect. (because no man is) –God can meet that need. He can fill the void.
To pursue healing is to pursue the healing of your heart. To recognize your father was to play a role to protect, provide, lead, guide, speak affirmation and strength into us, tell little boys they have “what it takes” and little girls that they are indeed beautiful…and to heal from all the damage that may of occurred everywhere he fell short.
To heal from those father wounds, every way your father fell short of perfectly providing for your spiritual, emotional, physical needs, is absolutely a multi-layer, multi-step process.
There’s no formula for what this process is like. It may require understanding and truly choosing forgiveness , uncovering the ‘root issues’ behind why certain things trigger reaction and addiction in us and identifying the lies that hurtful actions and words have said about our identity and self-worth and the harmful ‘inner vows’ we make ourselves…