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Hurt People hurt Other People

Have you ever experienced hurt by another person?

Of course you have.

Ever wonder why or what to do about it?


I invite you to read on as I discuss the concept of “hurt people hurt other people” as an insightful exploration potentially of the source of your pain (including why there may be addiction in your life), understanding the people behind your hurt, and what you can to do about.



Every human being has experienced a level of hurt. It can range from being spoken to in a belittling way, being betrayed by a friend to…divorce, adultery, sexual/emotional/sexual abuse, loss, a car accident, trauma.

It could of been your father. It may be your mother. Maybe it was a boss, a brother, a sister, a uncle. Maybe it was your best friend. Or a stranger.

But who is the real enemy?  In the case of abuse towards women or children, it can be easy to point an angry finger to men. Or in the case of a broken family, it can be easy to point to the mother that cheated on her husband. Maybe it’s that abuser…

Above that, what’s most curious is…why the sick cycle repeats again-- Why does someone who grew up being controlled and verbally/emotionally abused, act controlling towards others and their own children? Why do the sexually abused abuse others? Why do children of divorce divorce themselves? Why do children of violent alcoholics inflict angry violence towards their own children? Why are people addicted to porn, drugs, sex, dsyfunctional relationships…?

You would think that those that experience hurt, especially on such a deep level, would not want to inflict the same type of hurt to others.

It doesn’t seem to make sense…

…Oh, but at the same time, it totally does make sense…  More…


Forgiving Yourself

10.7.12 Journal Blog post about my experience counseling in the inner city (For more context- please refer to Corporate Girl in an Inner City World)


To the torturers

During “Patterns of Change” class I co-lead, I brought up the topic of unforgiveness towards self because we were talking about guilt and shame. Working with the women in this shelter, I have really noticed that there’s a lot of guilt and inability to forgive oneself.

Many of these women have come from difficult domestic abuse or substance abuse situations where they have not been able to give their kids the best. (many had kids in their teen years)

Somewhere in the middle of their addiction and their abusive relationships, most women had kids at a young age and really wasn’t there for their kids (either their parents took care of their babies or they did a poor job raising their kids).

In that shame, in that unforgiveness—as the Bible says—there really is a release to the ‘torturers’ that I believe happens even psychologically! This has to be a priority…to not just forgive others but to forgive themselves too.



The Idolatry of Marriage and Family

10.7.12 Journal Blog post about my experience counseling in the inner city (For more context- please refer to Corporate Girl in an Inner City World)


The dream of the child of divorce

I saw my client “Lauren” today who has struggled with a long battle with alcoholism—she lost her marriage, her “dream” of that American dream of the marriage, 2 kids, and home,…when her husband got involved in cocaine.

We had a very poignant session where we explored why it made her feel so angry and jealous inside to see her husband divorce her then get remarried, and attain that dream of  hers. Although she clearly knows that her husband had a large portion of responsibility in leading to the divorce, she also blames herself for the marriage and for turning to alcohol to cope during and after it.

As we explored the narrative of rejection in her life, I keyed in to this “dream” that seemed to stir up so much emotion when she would think about it being ‘lost.’



The D Word

The D word.

So common, widespread, so acceptable, even so…glamorized.

When divorce becomes the norm instead of an exception. When it becomes more than just an alternative but somewhat of an expectation for marriage…second, third, forth marriages. Blended families.

It shows us how far we’ve come. How much we have forgotten the sanctity and the gravity of the marriage covenant…

We forget how much it breaks the family unit, how it impacts everyone…how it breaks the human soul.