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Hurt People hurt Other People

Have you ever experienced hurt by another person?

Of course you have.

Ever wonder why or what to do about it?


I invite you to read on as I discuss the concept of “hurt people hurt other people” as an insightful exploration potentially of the source of your pain (including why there may be addiction in your life), understanding the people behind your hurt, and what you can to do about.



Every human being has experienced a level of hurt. It can range from being spoken to in a belittling way, being betrayed by a friend to…divorce, adultery, sexual/emotional/sexual abuse, loss, a car accident, trauma.

It could of been your father. It may be your mother. Maybe it was a boss, a brother, a sister, a uncle. Maybe it was your best friend. Or a stranger.

But who is the real enemy?  In the case of abuse towards women or children, it can be easy to point an angry finger to men. Or in the case of a broken family, it can be easy to point to the mother that cheated on her husband. Maybe it’s that abuser…

Above that, what’s most curious is…why the sick cycle repeats again-- Why does someone who grew up being controlled and verbally/emotionally abused, act controlling towards others and their own children? Why do the sexually abused abuse others? Why do children of divorce divorce themselves? Why do children of violent alcoholics inflict angry violence towards their own children? Why are people addicted to porn, drugs, sex, dsyfunctional relationships…?

You would think that those that experience hurt, especially on such a deep level, would not want to inflict the same type of hurt to others.

It doesn’t seem to make sense…

…Oh, but at the same time, it totally does make sense…  More…


How a man’s porn addiction impacts the woman he loves

Porn addiction for a man can start at a very young age…a strategically bad time to start especially when a boy’s brain and cognitive functioning is in development and when they are forming basic understanding of sexuality.

Most men grew up without a father figure or without a solid guide to help him navigate the extremely challenging terrain of becoming a man and understanding the role and responsibilities that come with that…

Although I don’t know what it’s like to be a man, I write this blog article today because it is been an issue and passion from my heart for many years…from all my school research as well as countless conversations I’ve had with women about this topic. Single women, married women. Divorced women. Although I don’t speak for all women, I know I speak for many.

Behind the relationships these women have had or still have with their man…was a genuine love. Not just by the woman, but definitely by the man.

But something got in the way…



The Idolatry of Marriage and Family

10.7.12 Journal Blog post about my experience counseling in the inner city (For more context- please refer to Corporate Girl in an Inner City World)


The dream of the child of divorce

I saw my client “Lauren” today who has struggled with a long battle with alcoholism—she lost her marriage, her “dream” of that American dream of the marriage, 2 kids, and home,…when her husband got involved in cocaine.

We had a very poignant session where we explored why it made her feel so angry and jealous inside to see her husband divorce her then get remarried, and attain that dream of  hers. Although she clearly knows that her husband had a large portion of responsibility in leading to the divorce, she also blames herself for the marriage and for turning to alcohol to cope during and after it.

As we explored the narrative of rejection in her life, I keyed in to this “dream” that seemed to stir up so much emotion when she would think about it being ‘lost.’



The Affairs of the Heart

9.21.12 Journal Blog post about my experience counseling in the inner city (For more context- please refer to Corporate Girl in an Inner City World)




 Addicted to Relationship

Today I learned something new about women. Hm…maybe not something completely new to me but…let’s just say, I gained a different perspective about why some women become addicted to substances, eating disorders, serial dating, and other destructive lifestyles. In the class I attended today called “Addicted to love,” they reviewed their learnings from the book When You Love Too Much. (Great book for those who are struggling with on and off relationships, by the way…)  Many women from all walks of life spoke about their experiences with bad relationships…abusive relationships…relationships with married men. The whole gamut.



When Women Tear Down

“Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” - Proverbs 14:1

As women, we have the opportunity to build…or to tear down…many things in our lives.

Whether it’s our families, women around us or…even our own self-image and faith in God–we have the choice.

Without this decision point, sometimes it’s easy to unconsciously tear down…

In this article, I will review some of the different arenas of a woman’s life where we have prime opportunities to decisively either build–to increase, grow and strengthen…or tear down–pull apart, destroy and weaken.



Manifesto of a Christian Single Woman

Singleness. A gift or a curse?

More often than not, most women my age would think it’s more of the latter!

Singleness is a very unique season with a finite timeframe (for most). It’s just one of many, many, chapters in our lifespan…yet a very critical one.

Now this one is for all you single ladies out there (though honestly, this could encourage the guys too)…no doubt, this is a recurring theme I see in so many of my friendships and conversations with Christian women and actually an area of real struggle for many.  

It’s been on my heart for many years to write a book about this– to write a declaration, a description of an attitude, a manifesto of the heart of sorts, to encourage women to run this season well. Having the right mindset can make a world of difference.

This piece will serve as an excerpt of these revelations and I pray that it will be encouraging and a blessing to your heart.